The Heart of the Matter

The situation: The kid gets into the candy jar when he is not supposed to. The kid runs and hides to unwrap and consume his ill gotten loot. Dad catches him and asks if he stole the candy. He says no with his candy covered mouth and holds up his candy covered hands.

Thief. Liar.

He didn't have to be taught how to steal, and he didn't have to be taught how to lie. The problem is in his heart. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15 ESV)

However, this is not the world's assessment of the problem, and a wrong assessment is bound to lead to a wrong solution. Sadly, wrong thinking and wrong solutions have infested the minds of Christian parents as well.

Two popular lines of thinking are that the real issue is either low self esteem or environment. Both are wrong.

Dumb assessment/solution #1 is that the child must have a low self esteem, and if he just had a higher self esteem, he wouldn't do bad things. Right. How well has that worked over the past couple decades? We tried that and ended up with demon teenagers and adults who think amazingly high of themselves. I was one of them before, saturated in wickedness but thinking I was a really good person, before Jesus gave me a new heart. The "boost his self esteem" route will turn our candy thief into an arrogant candy thief who flips Dad off after stealing the candy. We need something better.

Dumb assessment/solution #2 is that the child's environment is the problem and we need to change it to correct his moral behavior. He's really just a victim of too easily accessible and too good tasting of candy and of bad friends, so let's hide the candy and shoot the friends. Is that how it went down with Adam and Eve? No. The tree was in the middle of the garden, easily accessible, with good tasting fruit, and they were the only people in a really good neighborhood. Really, what good would it have been to have the tree on a mountain with an electric fence around it? That wouldn't drive out folly. It's the same with the candy. You can move it to the roof and say "Look, my kids behave!" You'd also be a moron. Your kids still want to sin in their hearts, but it would be harder for them because they don't have a ladder. We need something better.

With the popular thinking the world offers, you can make kids proud, and you can make kids moral. If you do both, you make them into the type of people Jesus ripped into the most. Bad idea.

What we need instead of these surface changes, we need to go deep and teach children the heart of the problem is the problem with the heart. What we need is to teach them the Bible properly from a young age and discipline them properly. What we need is for them to get we are all sinners by nature and choice. What we need is to point them to Jesus as the answer to that problem. What we need is to address the root cause behind it all, not just effects of that root cause. What we need, for us and for them, is a new heart.

That is what creates humility instead of pride, and that is what leads to obedience out of love instead of compliance out of circumstance. That is the heart of the matter.