Shaken

I could just as rightly title this "Shattering Complacency In Middle Class American Christianity" but, man, that title sounds so boring it nearly put me to sleep writing it.

I think God's shaking me up again.

Sure, I spew "you gotta be transformed, you gotta be transformed" but it's a continual thing too, not a one shot deal. I think I hit a plateau in my walk with the LORD, and while that makes for easy walking...it's not all about making things easy, is it?

Let's review though.

I'm a sinner. Through and through. All kinds of junk in my life, living for myself, selfish as can be, thinking I'm "good enough". Good enough for what I don't know, but not as bad as those drug dealers, murderers, and child molestors. Yeah, there's always someone worse you can compare yourself to when you want to think you're "good". Except for that one guy out of billions. Truth be told, there is all kinds of garbage in my past that I'm ashamed of, some of which I keep tucked away in the vaults of my memory, accessible to myself and God alone.

Thank God for grace.

He draws me in like a magnet. Flips my heart, my mind, my life around. I've got peace. I've got joy. I want to learn about him more and know about him more. Note that I said "about" him. We'll come back to that. I feed on the Word. I search solid sites on the net. I suck info out of my bro's brain. Thanks, David. Then I want more. Join a small group and study this. Go to the weekly Bible teaching and learn about that. Take some classes and get even more. All good stuff. All edifying. But I got lazy. No, I got complacent.

I had my checklist in order. Easy peasy plateau for me. What a leech. Time for a good shaking up.

Alright, I'll serve. I'll serve in this ministry and that one. And I'll do this other thing over here and maybe give over there and help out with this. Yes, that sounds good. I'm producing. I'm giving back from what I've been given. I'm doing my part to tell people big and small about Jesus. Again, all good stuff, but note again that I said "about". I'm still going to get to that.

Until this week I had my checklist in order again. Another easy peasy plateau. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I wanted to know about Jesus and tell about Jesus, but I have not wanted to be Jesus. I have not wanted, really, deep down, to give like Jesus, to serve like Jesus, to care like Jesus, to imitate Christ like his Word says to do. I don't know that I want to now. I'm more like the Pharisee giving out of his wealth than the old widow giving everything she had to live on and trusting recklessly in God. I don't make myself nothing for the sake of others so they may see Christ in me.

Like someone said in a book I read once upon a time -- it's not that we have a hard time understanding what God's Word says. We just have a hard time wanting to do what it says, so we complicate it to get around it. You know -- take up your cross, deny yourself, follow me, imitate Christ -- it's all pretty clear.

So I guess I'm getting sick of knowing about God and would rather know God. It's time to get away from falling in love with the idea of Jesus and just fall in love with Jesus, madly and deeply.

I don't know how to do that. But God's pretty big.

Thanks for reading. I pray you fall in love with Jesus. Selfishly even, so I can bug you about how that happened.